Finding Light in the Shadows

I started this blog to create a safe place for those going through cancer to turn to. I wanted a space where we could share our stories, the ups and downs, and everything in between. Since my surgery in December, I've been on a rollercoaster ride with some intense stomach pains that come out of nowhere and can last for up to 12 hours. It's been a tough road with multiple CT scans, MRI scans, blood tests, and still no clear answers.

Just last week, I found myself back in the hospital for an unplanned overnight stay. Spontaneous trips away have taken on a whole new meaning since cancer entered my life! This time, they managed to catch a glimpse of what’s going on. The CT scan suggested mesenteric congestion, a blockage in an artery that cuts off blood flow to a portion of the intestine. My consultant explained that this could lead to a hernia each time I get this pain, which then resolves itself after a few hours. So, while I'm back home now, it looks like I'll be needing further surgery soon.

So, how do I feel? Honestly, it’s like standing alone in an empty white room. I can't see outside, and no one can see in. Cancer really does mess everything up, doesn't it?

But there's a silver lining. We finally have an explanation for these pains and hopefully a resolution in sight. I keep reminding myself of that. It's a tiny beacon of hope in this vast white room.

Still, it's hard not to feel scared. I know I need surgery, but I also know the pain could return at any time. I want to live every moment to the fullest, go for a run, travel, and have fun. Yet, there's this fear that any activity could trigger the pain again. I feel like life is passing me by, and I don't know what tomorrow will bring.

But then, I remember something I once read: talk to yourself as if you're talking to your best friend. I would never tell my best friend they’re alone or that they’ll always be in pain. So, I can’t tell myself that either.

“Stop comparing yourself to others. Flowers are pretty, but so are sunsets, and they look nothing alike.”

To everyone reading this, whether you're going through something similar or just need a bit of hope, know that you’re not alone. We’re in this together, finding our way through the darkness and learning to see the beauty in our own unique sunsets.